Wedding DJ Fail.

This is one of the reasons why when I tell people what I do for a living, I always make sure they understand that I'm a RADIO DJ... not a wedding DJ.

Horrible news anchor ad-lib

Yes, it's a story about some sort of "G-Shot" that helps women with libido issuses... But the male news anchor could have been SLIGHTLY more classy:

P-P-P-P-Platypus

The worst backseat passenger ever:

Illusion of the year winner

This optical illusion won the 6th Annual Illusion Of The Year Contest. It uses not only perspective illusions, but magnets to make the balls appear to be moving up hill.

Check it out:

Great hockey sign!

Dear hockey fans,
We talked this week about how you guys are the outcasts of the sporting world... keep razzing the refs like this and you may climb up a notch (watch out tennis fans!)

Computer geek freaks out over prank

This dude gets way too upset when his World Of Warcraft password gets changed.

Warning - Not safe for work: lots of bad language!
"F-ing Blizzard!!!!!!"

Lost: Mommy loved you more

Uh... a magical cave? Crazy skull-crushing momma? Even MORE questions now!?!? Are the producers of Lost trying to kill me?

Let's sort this out as much as possible:

A group of people get shipwrecked on the island. Pregnant lady is separated from the group and found by the woman from The West Wing. After giving birth to twins, the pregnant lady is stoned to death by crazy Allison Janney. One baby is named Jacob, the other... oh well, we just won't name him (?!).

As the twins grow up we know that one is heading towards good and the other, evil. How do we know this? One is wrapped in a white blanket, the other dark. One has blond hair, the other dark. One plays the game using the white rock, the other.... OK, we get it!!! Thanks and let's move on, ummkay?

Mom shows the boys a cave that is full of light. This is the heart of the island, yadda yadda... if the light goes out here it goes out everywhere... blah blah blah.

The unnamed brother is Mom's favorite. She leaves a game for him to play on the beach and says that he's "special" because he has the ability to lie, unlike goody-two-shoes Jacob. Eventually, unnamed brother sees a vision of his real mother and learns what crazy Allison Janey did to her. Why can't Jacob see this vision? Was this really a vision like Hurley is able to see, or was it the Smoke Monster taking the form of his mother?

Unnamed brother moves out to live with the other shipwreck survivors and leaves Crazy with Jacob. Jacob knows he's not her favorite, but now she has no choice but to suck up to him, because he's all she has left. Through the years, Jacob continues to meet with his brother to play their fun rock game and talk about the evil nature of humans (specifically, the humans that no name is now living with).

No name brother learns from the "very intellectual" people he lives with that the island has special properties and figures out that if he attaches a wheel to the bottom of a well and mixes water with the light that somehow he can leave .... uhh, ok. Mom will have none of it, so she smashes his head and kills the rest of the people in his group.

Mom mumbles some nonsense and makes Jacob the new protector of the island. He resists at first, saying that she loved his brother more, but she tells Jacob that she realizes that it was supposed to be him all along.

Unnamed son comes back to pay Mom a visit and kills her. She is killed in the same way Dogan told Sayid how to kill Smoke Monster... and how Smoke Monster told Richard how to kill Jacob. He didn't let her speak first, and stabbed her with "the knife". Before dying, Mom thanks unnamed for, I can only assume, finally letting her rest. Is this a very-special mother's day episode of Lost, or what?

Jacob gets pissed, throws brother into the cave of light and releases the Kraken., er, Smoke Monster. Brother is now dead and is laid to rest in the cave with Mom and a bag of rocks.

YES, WE REMEMBER THE SKELETONS FROM SEASON 1 - No need to insert a clip to drive home the... oh, too late. Gee, thanks. God forbid someone just tuned into the series for the first time tonight, we wouldn't want them to be CONFUSED!

So, now we know that Jacob is alive. However, the Man In Black that he's been spending time with on the island isn't his brother... it's the Smoke Monster who's taken the form of his brother's body that's rotting in the cave. When John Locke's rotting corpse comes to the island, the Smoke Monster abandons the Man In Black's body and takes over Locke's.

I turn off the TV and yell some colorful language before retiring to bed.

Questions:

First off: WTF.

Second: Was Crazy Mom the protector of the island or was she, in fact, the smoke monster all along? Reasons to believe she was the protector: She transferred the power to Jacob, she didn't want anyone to leave the island, she was able to make sure that the brothers couldn't kill each other (somehow). Reasons to think she was the smoke monster: Her favorite son was the bad one... he was "special" because he could lie. The favorite son was the only one who could see his dead, real mother. Was it crazy mom, as the smoke monster, pretending to be his real mother to lead him where he needed to go in order to eventually take over as the smoke monster? Also, how did Crazy Mom kill everyone in the camp and fill in the well? Seems like something only the Smoke Monster would actually do.

Third: How did the shipwrecked people know that putting a wheel inside the well could make them escape? Did they find some instructions somewhere or did the island "speak to them" somehow?

Fourth: Where's the huge statue and temple? They were all seemingly built centuries before this storyline took place? Was the island "moved" sometime after Jacob arrived and the island went back in time between now and when the black rock appears?

Sadly, I don't think any of these questions will ever be answered... Ugh, I have a really sick feeling in my stomach. If this is how the rest of the show plays out I'm afraid I may be very disappointed. PLEASE let the show make some more sense next week. I'm gonna trust it will.