Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Phillies fan tasered on the field

What's more entertaining than seeing a drunk baseball fan run around on the field and make a jackass out of himself? Seeing that same fan shocked with 50000 volts!

Florida Senator surfs for porn during debate

This is video of Florida State Senator Mike Bennett viewing some porn and videos of cute animals on his Senate-issued laptop computer during an abortion debate on the Senate floor.

Justin Bieber hasn't heard of Germany

Seriously, this kid doesn't know what "German" means!

Lost: "It's going to be you, Jack."

And with those last six words of Sayid's life, we're left to assume that Jack is destined to be the new Jacob.

Boom! Two weeks was worth waiting for a jam-packed episode of Lost like last night's. Hell, they went over by 2 minutes (thank God I was watching live and not on my DVR or I would be pissed!) and we didn't even have enough time for a "Previously on Lost" montage.

Off island we follow the story of Jack and Locke. Jack is obsessed with understanding why Locke won't receive surgery to make him walk again. Jack is convinced that Locke is a "candidate". His obsession leads him to Bernard the dentist (who we learn is still married to Rose, even in the parallel universe). Bernard sends Jack to visit Anthony Cooper (The dude who, on the island timeline, was the real Sawyer, a con-man and the reason Locke couldn't walk). in the parallel timeline Anthony is a very different man. He, presumably, didn't have such a dark past and was a good father to Locke. Even with his fear of flying, he agreed to join Locke on his first solo flight which had horrible consequences: Cooper the vegetable.

I sense that Locke is becoming self-aware of the alternate timeline. His body language and reaction to Jin walking down the hallway suggests that he kind of knows what's up. It's getting late in the game to throw around wild theories... but what if Locke off-island isn't Locke at all - but the man in black who was finally able to escape the island? Bum-bum-buuuum!

On-island it's a very different story. Locke is revealed as pure evil. Any doubters out there who thought Jacob was going to turn out to be the bad guy can pretty much pack it in now... Fake Locke has been conning the whole group all of this time and finally pulled his plan together. His goal was to get them all into a confined space and blow them to pieces. When Jack refused to get on the plane, the plan needed to be changed... he counted on them flipping the script - so packing them all on the sub with a time bomb became Plan B. Crazy Claire wasn't necessary to the plan, since she's no longer a candidate now, so her not being on the sub didn't really matter at all.

Jack, now certain of his fate, was the only one who figured out in time what was happening, and how to prevent it. Fake Locke couldn't kill the candidates, but he could use the loophole. So, if Fake Locke set the bomb, it would be most certain that it wouldn't work and they would all survive. However - if the bomb was altered, and it wound up being some idiot (Sawyer) among them that technically set it off, then all bets would be off.

Boom goes the sub - With only 4 hours of storytelling left, it was time to weed out the unnecessary characters and get this storytelling into quick gear. Let's take a moment to mourn the dead:

Sayid - Well, we already said goodbye to him the first time he died... but this time, he was able to atone for his sins. We learn that he didn't kill Desmond and that he now knows that Jack is the "candidate". He pulls a Charlie and makes one final sacrifice for his friends.

Lapedis - Or is he really dead? I'm guessing yes. Dude was lucky to make it this far in the show. We're going to miss him running around, frowning and looking like Gopher from Love Boat.

Sun and Jin - I'll admit, I cried when they died. The tears were for all of those pointless hours of having to sit through their drawn out storyline to wind up finding out that it was completely unnecessary filler. Bah. Call me heartless, but they should have killed them off last season and saved us the torture of "will they meet again or won't they" story lines that went absolutely nowhere.

So now we're left on the beach with the "Final Four". Jack, Hurley and almost dead Sawyer and Kate. Sawyer will most certainly be OK... but Kate took a pretty good gunshot to the chest. Couple that with her being "crossed out" on the cave wall and she's pretty much a goner by the time we wrap up the Kate and Sawyer off-island story.

But wait, let's not forget about Desmond... the group must be on their way to rescue him. Hopefully by the time they get there, off-island Desmond will have gotten all of the Oceanic passengers together to return to the island.

And where are Ben, Miles and Richard? Last we saw them, they were headed to get explosives to blow up the plane. I'm sure they will meet up with Widmore very soon.

And what about Widmore? He tried to protect the candidates from Locke... putting them all in a cage and surrounding them with the smoke-repellent fence. Widmore even told them that he was, believe it or not, protecting them.

And, finally, let's not forget about Rose and Bernard. They're still out in the jungle, aren't they?

Next week's episode is the one I've been waiting for all season. It's rumored to be a full-on flashback with Jacob and The Man in Black. Until then... Namaste!