You may have noticed (I hope) that I'm not on the air this morning. Yesterday afternoon I had my final Laser Eye Surgery from the amazing
Dr. Fox, so I am home recovering. This may sound strange, but I actually look forward to getting laser eye surgery... I get the day off, I get Xanex and I get to tell people "Oh yeah, I have surgery this week". In all reality, I don't think you should really be able to call this surgery - it lasts all of 10 seconds and is almost completely painless. I hate doctors, I hate blood, I am a hypochondriac, yet I don't mind the eyeball stuff at all, in fact I think it's pretty cool.
Lots of people ask me what exactly happens during the "surgery". But when I start talking I realize it that it sounds WAY worse than what it actually is. So if you're thinking about getting laser eye surgery you may not want to read any further and just trust me that it's quick and painless and worth every penny.
First of all, I had PRK surgery, not the LASIK that everyone talks about. They are pretty similar, except that the PRK has a much longer recovery time and you don't get the instant results like LASIK. So why didn't I get LASIK? Well, there's something about my cornea that's too thin which doesn't make me a candidate for LASIK.
Step 1: I arrive at Dr. Fox's office and take a happy pill to "relax" before the procedure. That kicks in after about 15 minutes and I start feeling AWESOME.
Step 2: I'm escourted into the operating room where there's a horizontal chair situated under what looks like a big camera that shoots out the laser beam. They give me eye drops that numb the eyes. Combined with the Xanex... They could shove an ice pick in my eye at this point and I wouldn't feel a thing, or even care.
Step 3: The Dr. takes a marker and makes two small dots ON MY EYE. This is so the laser can track my eye during the surgery and stays right on target.
Step 4: Have you seen A Clockwork Orange? Well, they do that.
Step 5: This is what I call the electric toothbrush. Honestly, even with the Xanex it kind of creeps me out a little... I don't really know what this machine is, but it feels like an electric-toothbrush-type instrument SCRUBBING MY EYEBALL! You can feel the pressure a little, and when they are done your vision is very blurry. But a few drops later, and it's like it never happened.
Step 6: The Laser! The lights go dim in the room, you stare at this blinking dot and you hear the laser hitting your eye repeatedly. Now, this is the gross sounding part - you can actually smell your eyeball burning. It smells like burning hair, I s*** you not. And I'm not sure, but I think I felt pieces of my burned up eyeball splashing onto my cheek. It was probably just some saline solution or something, but I like to tell people it was pieces of eyeball.
The laser shuts off, they rinse your eye with very cold water and you're done!
Ok, by now you're probably saying "This sounds horrible!" It's not. I walked right out of the office afterwards, went home and took a nap and I feel fine. In fact, If it wasn't Doctor's orders I would probably be doing the show right now. I just have to go back for a quick checkup to make sure things look OK and I will see all of you tonight at the Celebration Of Lights in Poughkeepsie!
Believe me, I would take laser eye surgery over getting a filling at the dentist any day. Seriously, you're in and out in like an hour and the laser is only on for a few seconds. It's awesome not wearing glasses or contacts anymore, and I would suggest anyone even thinking about it to at least make an appointment to learn more. Call Dr. Fox and tell him I sent you and the staff at Central New York Eye Center will take amazing care of you. Website:
cnyec.com
Today marks 75 years since the end of that horrible social experiment called Prohibition. What better way to celebrate than picking up a 6 pack on the way home or stopping by your favorite watering hole for a tasty beer with friends!
