I gotta go!

I dare you to watch this and try not sing the "I Gotta Go" song next time you need to go to the bathroom...

Tiger's apology

If you missed it, here's the official transcript of Tiger Wood's apology. You can almost picture his wife writing it and making him sign it... (Photo courtesy of my Facebook friend, Dale.)




I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.
Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.
I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Tiger Woods voicemails released

Here it comes... Us Magazine has started to release the voicemails Tiger left for his alleged girlfriend #2, Jaimee Grubbs. Here he is asking her to take the name off of her greeting because Tiger's wife has his cell and may call her to find out who she is. Awesome.


I removed the embedded audio because Us Magazine are jerks who automatically stream commercials. Click here for the voicemail.

Corduroy skirts are a sin!

This guy was upset that crazy lady with the sign was protesting on his campus, so he decided to exercise his own 1st ammendment rights:

How was your flight?

For those of you who have called me up to disagree about the rule for overweight passengers to buy two seats on an airplane... how would you like to be stuck next to this guy for 8 hours?

This photo was actually snapped by an American Airlines flight attendant who was pissed that Fatty McYumYum was allowed to buy just one seat.

Uh oh... Jared is fat again

It looks like someone is taking advantage of those $5 Foot Longs. Subway, quick, raise the price before Jared explodes!

3D animation shows Tiger Woods getting ass kicked

In China the news of Tiger Woods' crash and possible ass-whooping by his wife is big news. Remember, Tiger is part Chinese and he's got a huge following throughout the country. He's so popular, in fact, that the nightly news produced a computer reenactment of the whole thing. This is worth watching all the way through: