Tired of the same old jeans that don't draw enough attention to your fat ass? Try Winkers! These jeans use the motion of your legs to create an animated view for the poor person who has to walk behind you. Their tag line should be: "If you hear people laughing hysterically behind you, you must be wearing Winkers!"
Sure, the ones on the left were a no-brainer... but take a look at the ingenuity of the ones on the right. Whoo Boy! We're good to go through 2019, suckas!!!!
This ABC reporter decided to interview Jamie-Lynn Sigler about her Entourage plotline (in which she dates Turtle, the “fat” guy). Apparently, the reporter did very little research before the interview and didn't know that Jamie-Lynn is actually dating Jerry Ferrara (who plays Turtle) in real life!
Check out this list of the top 25 homeless guy signs.
The dude under the Newburgh/Beacon Bridge should give this a try... I think it would work much better (and be less creepy) than just standing there and staring at people.